The Lazy Man’s Health Scams
We are obsessed with health and fitness, even if most of us aren’t healthy or fit. Of course, companies are quick to sell us the latest fitness fad. Some of these products are just plain dumb, and some of us buy them anyway.
One of the biggest rip-offs I’ve seen is the Vitamin Water craze. I’ve seen people guzzle this stuff at the gym as if it were….water. But vitamin water isn’t water, and it’s definitely not cheap. Vitamin water contains water, sugar, and varying amounts of vitamins and herbs. First, if you add sugar to water, it’s no longer water. It’s now a soft drink. Sugar and water equals more empty calories. Second, vitamin water usually doesn’t deliver all of the vitamins you need, and you’re probably not even getting a day’s worth of the vitamins that are actually in the bottle. Vitamin waters aren’t likely to have oil-soluble vitamins, such as vitamin E, and it’s unknown whether any of the vitamins remain stable during the bottle’s shelf life. Some vitamins, like vitamin C, break down quickly after being exposed to air, so you better chug the entire bottle as soon as you open it. Finally, vitamin water costs about $2.00 at the store, but let’s say you find a place that sells it for $1.50. Compare that to $.05 for one multivitamin and say another $.05 for a large bottle of filtered tap water. You can get a more complete vitamin, without the sugar and additives, for way cheaper. I know it’s tasty and convenient, but so are hot dogs. If you eat hot dogs every day, you’re a fat bastard, and if you drink vitamin water everyday, you’re pissing money away.
And how about Sylvester Stallone’s High Protein Pudding? That’s right, Rocky himself is offering you 20g of protein per serving, with no sugar and hardly any fat. Just like Mom used to make. Yo Adrian, get me some of that delicious high protein pudding! Don’t laugh too much though, Stallone says the pudding will last up to 18 months at room temperature, so if a disaster hits and Stallone has a warehouse of pudding, who’s going to be laughing then?
This wouldn’t be complete without giving an award for the best “I want to be lazy and fit” product. If you went to any doctor and asked what you should do to breathe easier and strengthen your lungs, they’d probably tell you to run, swim, or do some other exercise that’s not as fun as watching the Real World or playing video games. But say if you could watch T.V. and get fit without getting off the couch? Enter the POWERbreath. All you need to do is breathe into the handheld device for 30 breaths, twice a day, and you’ll have Lance Armstrong’s lung capacity in no time.
A Focalex, Inc Property
Thank you for the article which is written with style & humor..
is this some sort of promo?
I am not impressed.
Accurate, nicely written. No nonsense, mickey taking style is appealing. Keep it up.
Kudos on an excellent presentation. The writer’s wry sense of humor is appreciated, and the editorial viewpoint is refreshing in these times.
Thanks for the heads-up and the humor. It’s great to start off my day with a good laugh!
It was interesting until the writer used profanity, I’m not interested anymore.
Love the articles, a good laugh is always the best medicine. Thank You for the info and the humor.
I previously wasn’t aware that there were such utterly disgusting scams. What people will do for a quick buck! I find that somewhat nauseating !
Very funny! Also informative! Thanks!
Someone pays you to publish this bullshit?
OK SO ABOUT THIS VITAMIN WATER,,, EVEN MY DOCTOR SUGGESTED I use IT BECAUSE I COULD NOT DRINK PLAIN WATER I WOULD LITERALLY GAG ON PLAIN WATER. ALSO I HAVE CONGESTIVE HEART FAILUR AND NEEDED ALL THE POTTASIUM I COULD GET THANK GOD FOR GATORAIDE ( NOT BEING PAID FOR THAT) AND DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT PLACES WHERE THERE ISNT ANY GOOD DRINKING WATER? LIKE LOUISIANA AROUND THE BEACH? THAT WATER IS SO FULL OF SULPHUR YOU WILL GET SICK ON IT. YES SOME OF THE WATER BEING SOLD IS JUST A SCAM BUT NOT ALL OF IT.
Thank you for sending me the valuable information about “vitamin water”. Please send me any new information.
Highlighting the rammel that is being sold in the guise of ‘health food’ is long overdue. Bring on as much of this as you like. Name the manufacturers of the products so the other products they have can be boycotted. Go for it !
Hysterically FUNNY!! I live in Maine, where there is REAL WATER” everywhere…LOL… and water is supoosed to have no taste…..HaHaHa….you city-folk who eat out of a microwaved box or pre-prepared chicken from deli!!